While in a relationship, you might find yourself contemplating whether or not you should end it. It is normal to have second thoughts. However, if you find yourself dwelling on the idea of moving on, you might want to take such thoughts seriously. In fact, it might just be time to let go.
But how do you know for sure it’s time?
Deciding whether or not to break up with someone you love can feel like torture. The longer you have been in the relationship, the harder the decision becomes. A decision to break up can be further complicated if your partner is giving you some of what you need, but is unable to provide you with the bigger things.. Let me explain.
Suppose you are dating someone who is easygoing. There is low drama in your relationship and the other person is consistently there for you. All good, right? But, let’s say you feel something big is missing. You might not have a significant emotional connection. The relationship may be lacking passion, or you may not be feeling attracted enough. Your relationship may have reached the point where you do not communicate anymore. Maybe you no longer look forward to interacting because you don’t feel connected to one another. Maybe it is not a good support system for you. You don’t feel the love. You don’t feel that the other person is fully present in your life.
But your relationship is fine. Not a mess, not chaos, just not that rewarding. Are these valid reasons to let go and move on?
Yes and no.
Yes, you should move on if it just isn’t working for you. Like if you have communicated that you need certain things to feel secure, but your partner has failed to change, compromise, reciprocate or understand where you are coming from.
No, if you have explained how you feel and the two of you are working to make things better. If you are trying to change the relationship, this could take time. And if both of you are vested in seeing things through, you can hang in there. See how things look after the two of you work on what you want to improve in the relationship.
A clear sign it’s time to end a relationship, however, is when your heart tells you to. You may be overthinking your feelings. The mind can create paralysis analysis when you are constantly looking to solve the relationship dilemma. Your mind can play to your fears about being alone. The mind will focus on what you are losing by leaving the relationship. Common obsessive thoughts include the fear of being lonely, apprehension about not finding love again, or inertia about making a life change.
This is your mind creating what I call the Fear Zone.
While such thoughts and feelings are valid, your intuition may be a more accurate guide. Your heart will tell you what you feel well before your mind is ready to accept and embrace this truth. The mind will justify and negotiate, but the heart is clear. The heart doesn’t lie. Your heart will give you clear indicators that something does not feel right, something important is lacking, and you need to move on. The heart is a passive voice, but this is our emotional intuition and can place us on the right path.
When your heart is urging you to step out on faith and move away from someone, don’t ignore it. Avoid the temptation to drown out intuition with your mind, which will keep you mired in the Fear Zone.
If you are really unhappy in your relationship and have been for a long time, it is time to go. No one is responsible for your happiness, but if someone is taking away from your happiness potential, this is a real problem. No relationship is going to happy all the time. That’s unrealistic. But if you are unhappy with someone the majority of the time you might want to re-evaluate. This is a clear indication it is time to decide if this relationship is the right one for you.
The following are strong indicators that you might want to consider ending your relationship:
- Your partner is not fully present in your life. He or she is not working to improve their presence in your life, even though you have made the effort to work on this.
- Your heart is not in the relationship and your intuition is telling you to move on.
- Being with your partner is causing you more emotional pain and discontent than happiness.
Every relationship has ups and downs. However when the negatives outweigh the positives, it’s probably time to let go.
Do you have a story to tell? What things have led you to end relationships? Let me know what you think. You can share your comments below.
You are capable of receiving love. There is a relationship that will work for you. Sometimes all you need is a nudge in the right direction. If you are struggling with your current relationship, newly divorced and looking to get back in the dating scene, or single and trying to find the right person for you, maybe I can help. Reach out to me at firstname.lastname@example.org, or sign up on my website to receive dating tips and relationship advice. For fast advice, read my book, The Relationship Investigator’s Fast Guide to Successful Dating.