There was a psychologist who studied thousands of couples and could tell based on one thing if their relationship had real longevity. He paid attention to how they argued. We all get annoyed with our significant other here and there. It’s normal. But, how you manage through it is key. Yelling, calling them names, bringing up all of the things they have done wrong is not the best way to argue or bring an argument to resolution.
2018 Relationship Resolution Tip: Fight fair. Couples who respect and listen to each other during an argument, take a moment to reset, and call out the behavior versus trying to tear down the other person are able to manage through arguments a bit more easily. When you have an argument or spirited discussion with your partner, listen to what your significant other is actually saying versus focusing on what you want to hear. This can be tough, but in focusing on the problem, you remove some of the intense attention from the messenger which makes you more receptive to the message.
Focus on the Attributes You Like About Your Mate
It’s strange, but once you settle into a familiar relationship pattern with someone and feel safe and comfortable in the relationship, it’s so easy to take for granted the good things they do for you. It’s easier to focus on the things they do that drive you crazy. As the saying goes, “Familiarity breeds contempt.” Weird, but true.
2018 Relationship Resolution Tip: When your significant other is getting on your last nerve, think back to the earlier phases of your relationship and the things that made you fall in love with them.
Each day, try to find one or two things they do that you really appreciate. Write them down if you’re a visual person as reinforcement. Focusing on where you are grateful with them will help you during the times when they are getting on your last nerve.
Celebrate the Milestones in Your Relationship
When you are younger and in the beginning of your relationship, there are so many things that couples get through and then later take for granted. However, the trials and tribulations are also the building blocks and the foundation of building a stronger relationship. Learning to cohabitate, accept each other’s annoying habits, parenting your kids through various scenarios, dealing with illness and/or the death of a family member are all milestones that build a stronger relationship and bond with your partner. But, often we take these moments for granted. Celebrate getting through a significant moment as a couple where you may have wanted to give up. It’s a reminder that you can get through the obstacles that life will bring your way.
2018 Relationship Resolution Tip: Recognize and celebrate your relationship when you accomplish things collectively and individually. Remember, often times what we think we are accomplishing individually couldn’t be done without the support, cheerleading, and reinforcement from our significant other. Support, encourage, and show up for one another and willingly praise your significant other when they achieve success.
Make Quality Time for One Another
When I say this, I mean real, quality time. Go on date nights. Have sex even when you aren’t in the mood. And tell your partner the things you love and appreciate about them. These little gestures of goodwill are positive reminders so when you have a moment that isn’t so great in your relationship, these moments don’t stick as much.
2018 Relationship Resolution Tip: Once a month, carve out some special time for your significant other without any distractions including your phone, iPads, and social media. Yes, even social media. Tune out of the world and tune into your partner. Focus for those one to two hours on listening and enjoying the company of your significant other. Watch what happens!
Be Open to things You have Never Done
Remember when you first were with your partner or significant other and you did things you really didn’t want to do because you just wanted to spend time with them? Usually, even though you may have not wanted to do that specific activity you did it and ended up getting some enjoyment out of the experience. Try that ever so often in your relationship even as your relationship matures. Pick out an activity and surprise your significant other. There are some great activities out there including escape rooms, indoor skydiving, art museum events and tons of meet-up activities for couples.
2018 Relationship Resolution Tip: Get out of the house and your comfort zone with your partner. Couples who share activities in common build even stronger bonds. Doing something new with your significant other teaches you unique things about them and also your relationship. Don’t be afraid to explore this aspect of your relationship. A New Year can usher in many things, but doing these 5 things will put your relationship on track for 2018.
Originally published on SivanaSpirit.com