Online dating has increased in popularity in recent years as it leads to many successful hook-ups (pun fully intended). But for some singles, online dating creates a conundrum. The struggle is real. It’s not easy to figure out what tactics work with online dating services if you are looking for a meaningful relationship.
After doing extensive research—including serving as a guinea pig for the greater good of helping my clients through their online dating woes—I have uncovered some essential information on the subject that has helped my clients achieve lasting success.
These 7 tips will enable you to achieve online dating success:
- Less is More.
When you prepare your profile, you will probably want to share your life story and give every detail about your work and interests, likes and dislikes, favorite things to do, life experiences, etc. You want to share yourself with potential dates and mates.
Don’t do it.
My advice is to keep it short and simple. Here’s an example of a brief and to the point online dating profile:
I’m an avid traveler with a unique affinity for finding the best beaches throughout the US and beyond. My friends would tell you I have a good sense of humor, I’m very outgoing, sometimes too outspoken but always up for a good time.
I’m looking for someone who shares similar interests in exploring this thing called life. I believe in living my life to the fullest and want someone to share the journey with me.
And if you haven’t realized by looking at my picture, I’m pretty cute too! Only fun loving, laid back, and confident guys should apply.
- Vulnerability has a place in online dating.
Being able to show you are vulnerable is tough. It’s even trickier when it comes to online dating. As I coach my clients in finding love and maintaining a healthy relationship, I’ve learned quite a few things about vulnerability.
Being true to yourself is important, even when starting out in a new relationship. It’s also highly attractive. When dating someone new, my clients are advised to start small.
For example, you don’t always have to totally dress up for a date. You can go casual sometimes to show different aspects of yourself. Instead of a formal date, add in a fun activity, something that makes you feel a little awkward. This can break the ice and take the pressure off both of you. It takes the focus off the dating venue and places it on the two people having the date.
Be upfront about some of your fears and concerns. You may do this right out of the gate. This doesn’t mean going on a tangent about every feeling you may have. But if you want a confident man, express that. If you value a woman who is family oriented, express that. If you like a partner who is affectionate, say so. And if you have had some dating challenges you don’t want to repeat, share a few (but only like one or two).
It may seem to you that this type of openness would be off-putting, but I have found quite the opposite. If your date is interested in you, they will engage with you more. After you open up, they will work hard to alleviate your concerns and live up to your needs and wants. But if the person is not for you, they will fade out or disappear because they aren’t up for the challenge. And while this can seem tough, it’s a good thing in the long run. This way you can root out the undesirables, bringing you closer to finding the right match.
- For those who hate online dating, there are alternatives online.
I have clients who will say they hate online dating because it feels overwhelming and impersonal. They want to meet someone in a more natural way. For those clients, I suggest using the power of the internet to find someone suitable.
Let me explain.
There are great sites like MeetUp, Living Social, and Groupon which, if used the right way, can help you to get out with others who share similar interests.
You can be pretty specific on MeetUp in searching to see who is doing activities you’d be interested in doing (e.g., hiking, playing board games, technology, writing, acting, going to plays.) This is akin to finding your tribe. One of the best ways to find someone compatible in the long-term is to look for people who share similar interests. While opposites initially attract, those couples who have more in common stay together longer.
With Living Social and Groupon, you can see what is happening in your area. Look for activities that align with your interests (e.g., music concerts, art events, sporting goods sales, bookstore openings, craft beer, or wine tastings) and get out there. You might meet someone who shares your interests.
A life on the couch will not lead to interesting dates. This is something I can guarantee.
- Your profile picture can make or break it.
You know how a picture is better than a thousand words? Your profile picture tells people searching on online to either stop and get to know you—or to keep it moving. Swipe right!
Most people are not looking for physical perfection in a mate. More often than not, we seek someone who looks friendly, laid back, and happy. It’s really hot when you look like you are having the time of your life. It makes others want to join in on the fun.
If you need some ideas on how to best present yourself, check out the Social Media superstars. One of my favorites is Lilly Singh, IISuperwomanII https://www.youtube.com/user/IISuperwomanII Lilly is beautiful. But what draws the most hits on her You Tube, Instagram, and other social media channels is her personality. She’s always making fun of herself or sharing her introspective, active, engaging life. She also seems happy.
The same principle applies to your profile picture. Show yourself doing something you are passionate about. Is it making art, playing with your dog, kayaking on the river? Don’t scrutinize the details. Keep it simple. Think of the profile photos as simply sharing aspects of your life that make you happy.
- Some mystery is a good thing
Most people love a little mystery. Some people are really good at creating an aura around themselves, giving you just enough information about them to keep you wanting more. This is a very effective strategy. See Tip #1 as a reminder of why less is more.
When you are building your online dating profile, sharing your pictures, and giving people some information about you and your life, remember that a little goes a long way. They don’t need to know where you went to high school, what time you go to bed, your favorite cereal, and your schedule for the week. You can share some of these details over time, but not in your profile.
Think of what you share in your profile like reading a good book in which the plot slowly unwinds to the point where you can barely put the book down because each page brings to light some new information. Then reveal yourself in this same way.
- Stop overthinking it
Most people overthink love and dating, especially online dating. This won’t work in your search to find someone with whom you are compatible.
If you have ever been in love, you know the reason you were able to experience love in all its bliss was this: you gradually allowed yourself to be open to the experience. You went with the flow and allowed yourself to experience the emotions. There was not an overwhelming amount of thought to the process. No overthinking.
If you have been hurt, however, you may have become jaded and bitter. It’s easy to give in to these emotions, and stick with these feelings because they feel safe. This causes overthinking and blocks the path to love.
It may be a good idea to reflect on how you felt when you allowed yourself to be open to love and think about everything you learned along the way. Even though it hurt when that love didn’t work out, you probably don’t regret the experience.
- Pay attention to your gut instinct and intuition.
Your intuition exists for a reason. And in this crazy world, sometimes you have to exercise caution. When you meet someone online, do your research. Make sure they don’t have a criminal record. Pay attention to your gut. If it feels strange, leave it alone.
When you meet a prospective date online, be sure to have some phone and/or video conversations with them. Take time to get to know them. You can learn a lot by listening and asking key questions. If you are looking for a commitment, ask the other person what their goals are with regard to dating. If you want to have kids, get the other person’s views on family. If you have kids, ask the potential date specific questions about their views on parenting to make sure you are on the same page. And when you meet them the first few times, be sure it is in a public place. Be safe.
I hope these 7 Tips for Online Dating Success will help you have online dating success. If you need some more coaching tips, you can schedule them via my website. elizabethoverstreet.com/contact
Here are some of my clients’ testimonials on coaching for dating success:
“Elizabeth helped me to understand myself better which in turn helped me to pick a more significant other.”
“I didn’t realize the baggage I was carrying from my relationship with my dad into my relationships. Once I allowed myself to understand this dynamic, I am now able to have healthier relationships.”
“Elizabeth holds me accountable for my actions too in a relationship. These are hard conversations to have, but also the reason my spouse and I are having a happier and more satisfying relationship.”