If you want love ladies, here’s what NOT to do…
Originally published on Jet Magazine.
OK, ladies, it’s your turn. Recently we wrote an article about what turns off women. As you know, our lists could be longer, but we kept it to five.
But what about men? What turns them off and gives them pause in a relationship? After interviewing a panel of men, I realized that as much as we may think turning on a man is easy, you’ll never fully succeed if you are always turning him off.
If you’re wondering what’s shutting down your relationship success, read on to discover the five ways in which you could be turning off your man in a major way!
1) Put down that phone, tablet, and laptop!
We are all hyper-connected to our technology, and technology is an amazing and splendid thing. Ladies, I get it. I realize the love affair you have with your social media. It’s all too easy to become consumed by Tumblr, Instagram, Pinterest, Twitter, and Facebook among the many other social media outlets. But too much focus on social media is one of the quickest ways to turn off your man.
When I spoke with the men on my panel, across the board, they stated that when a woman is more interested in her social media page than life itself, it is one of the biggest ways to shut down his attraction to her. Social media is not your job or your lover. And it’s important to learn how to balance out your social media use so you don’t leave your man feeling completely neglected or he doesn’t end up leaving you.
2) You are all about your man to the 100th degree.
Yes, men love it when you are into them. They love to have their ego stroked and for you to be attentive to their needs. It’s flattering. But clinginess, insecurity and no sense of self are so not attractive. You are much more interesting and become sexier in a man’s eyes when you also have a sense of independence and a life of your own too. Yes, you should have an interest in what your man is doing, but you also have your life too! Don’t forget to continue to do the things that attracted your man to you in the first place and that you enjoy too. It will make you happier, self-assured and that much more intriguing!
3) Not embracing your natural beauty.
Men like it when you change up your look. It adds to your mystique and mystery. But being too overdone whether it be by going overboard with too much hair, over the top makeup or just trying to be someone else rather than you quickly diminishes rather than increases your attractiveness factor.
It was rather funny to hear men’s opinions of what is attractive to them. All of the men agreed on the panel that a lot of what we do to increase our beauty doesn’t necessarily make you more attractive in their eyes. Most women, they stated, look better without the exaggerated hair, attire, and makeup. Just a reminder to be natural, feminine and true to yourself. This is the ultimate secret to finding your sexy and keeping your man turned on!
4) Listen as much as you talk.
If you are a confident female, you already realize you bring lots to the table. And you probably want to make sure your man is fully aware of this fact. However, what makes you successful in the workplace can be a turnoff in a relationship.
When communicating with your man or a man in which you are interested, remember to look at conversations as a way not just to put your talents and attributes on display, but to also get to know him too. Too much “me talk” is not just annoying, it can make you come off as obnoxious and self-centered. Remember, balanced communication is essential!
5) Optimism is preferred.
Don’t be a Negative Nancy. Your man realizes you may have a bad day and be down from time to time, but no one wants to be around someone who is negative ALL of the time. It is DRAINING. If you are having a moment or just a bad day, give your man the heads up you need some space to decompress to get your mojo back.
Like us, men are sensitive too. The bravado we see from them isn’t without vulnerability. Remember how mom would say, “Flattery gets you everywhere.” Looks like she was correct.
Avoid these 5 major turnoffs to make sure when you meet the right man you are doing the opposite!
Elizabeth Overstreet is a relationship coach, speaker and author. Her book, “Love You & He Will Too: The Smart Woman’s Roadmap to Happy, Healthy Relationships,” is available at all major booksellers.
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