James M. Sama, a Life Coach, nails it in this quote. Let’s face it and acknowledge the obvious. Love can be complicated. Sometimes you love someone so much you put all of your energy, effort, and being into trying to make it work. Even when you need to move on, for some reason you hang in there and hope that if you keep trying and giving it your all with this person it will change things.
But, as time passes, mental and emotional exhaustion set in because the person you are with is not reciprocating or putting in the same level of effort in your relationship. This is when you need to reassess and figure out if you need to do things differently.
Change the Focus
In order to do this, you need to take a step back and change your focus in the relationship. The first step is to focus on your own needs and figure out if the relationship is giving you what you need as well. Yes, relationships will go through struggles and challenges. Things will get hard in a relationship. And even when you are in love, you will have disagreements and difficulties in your relationship.
But, here are a couple of keys to understanding if you are in a relationship in which it is worth fighting. If you are constantly fighting the battles, struggles, and difficulties in a relationship on your own, this is not a healthy relationship. It is more so a one-sided battle with yourself. Why? Because you are the only one working at trying to make it work. And when you are fighting for someone’s love, time, and acceptance with everything you have and they are not putting in any or very little effort, it’s important for you you to know when to let go and move on.
It’s hard. I have been there. I loved someone once so much I hoped that my love for them would change or morph the relationship into one which was what I wanted and needed from them. But, it didn’t. The more love I gave to them, it actually drained me because I was putting in all of the effort in the relationship. I realized after repeatedly doing this that this relationship was not meant for me to have and I was wasting my energy on someone who was not willing to meet me halfway. My more important realization was that they could not love me in the way in which I needed them to love me no matter how much I communicated these needs, showed what I needed, or tried to teach them.
Achieving A Healthy Relationship
But, this is the greater lesson I learned from being in that type of relationship. When you are in a healthy relationship with someone who loves you, they show it and you feel it. They give that same emotion and level of support you need back to you. It is a completely different feeling and relationship when both of you are on the same page, working towards the same goals, and overcoming challenges together.
However, here is an even more important lesson that you learn from being in an unhealthy relationship. You can only experience a healthy relationship if you let go of the unhealthy relationship first. Don’t continue to fight for someone who is not willing to fight for you. You deserve better.
Share Your Experience
Let’s talk. I want to hear about your break up experiences. How did you cut the ties on a bad relationship? Did you actually revert back to this relationship several times before moving on? Or do you have a success story to share?
Please share your comments. We can learn from you.
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You are capable of receiving love. There is a relationship that will work for you. Sometimes all you need is a nudge in the right direction. If you are struggling with your current relationship, newly divorced and looking to get back in the dating scene, or single and trying to find the right person for you, maybe I can help. Reach out to me at [email protected], or sign up on my website to receive dating tips and relationship advice. For fast advice, read my book The Relationship Investigator’s Fast Guide to Successful Dating.