Originally published on Jet Magazine
There is nothing more of a turn on for a woman than a man who knows how to push her buttons. When a man knows how to turn on his woman, he can have whatever he wants—well almost anything. But, for women, it seems like men often do a better job of turning them off rather than getting them turned on.
If you want to change the playbook for a woman in whom you are interested, stop doing these five things like right now.
1) No “member” pics.
While speaking with one of my clients, she mentioned that she was dating this guy who had liked her for a long time. She had decided to give him a shot. Things between them were going OK. They had a couple of dates, and she was enjoying getting to know him. But after date number three, early one morning, she woke up to a text message from him of his private member.
Look, I get it. I understand the loving relationship you often have with your penis. You hold him in high esteem. It’s a big part of your manhood and ego, no pun intended. But before you send a woman you are interested in a visual memento, let’s figure out if this is the best way to turn her on.
You might want to try the following. Ask what attracts her to someone physically and emotionally. You will get some useful clues. Are they visual or mental gestures? Does she like when you are communicative with her? Does she value affection? You will get the answers you need just by asking her the right questions. You’ll quickly be able to determine what gets her going versus what stops your progression with her.
2) Personal hygiene matters.
Women love a well-groomed man. Even if you aren’t the most attractive man, having good grooming habits takes your attractiveness up a notch. Wearing nice cologne in moderation is attractive and earns you extra points. Also, caring for your teeth, having good breath and skin care habits is important too.
I realize you might feel comfortable in your over-sized jersey and baggy jeans. But remember, first impressions are lasting ones. Just like men are visual creatures, women are too. Getting regular haircuts, grooming your facial hair and hair down there sends signals that you care about looking good for your woman. No one, well I shouldn’t say no one because I’m sure there are a few, wants to face a jungle down there if you catch my drift. Take the extra time to “manscape,” smell, and look good and you will reap you big rewards. When you show a woman you care about yourself, it’s an absolute turn on.
3) Being selfish in the bedroom.
If I had a $1.00 for every man who said he was a pleaser and freak, I would be Oprah rich by now. Some men have tendencies to be selfish in bed. In turn, this decreases a woman’s interest in having sex with them.
Look, I know it can go both ways. We all can be selfish in bed at times. I’ll write about that in the future. But, mental and physical foreplay with your girl is a necessity, not an option. The man who knows how to get the conversation and mental foreplay going before he hits the sheets with his woman is the one that gets the best action.
Slow down. It takes more than 5-10 minutes to warm up your significant other. Affectionate reminders of how much she excites you with her smile, infectious laughter, demeanor, and confidence are ways to intensify things in the bedroom. Foreplay doesn’t have to last for hours, but a kiss and hug to send her off for the day, sexy text messages to let her know she is top of mind during the day, and some affection beforehand will make your woman want to go all out when you are intimate.
3) Making it all about you.
While a woman loves a confident man, arrogant and cocky men can be a major turnoff. These are the signs that you are one of those men where it’s all about you. You are always rolling out your credentials, and going above and beyond to prove that you have money and stature. It’s ironic, since most men complain they don’t want to attract women that are gold-diggers. But this might be exactly the reason you attract those types of women.
When you have it, you don’t have to prove it because your actions speak louder than words. You don’t have to always remind her of your success. If you are successful, she will take notice. And you also don’t have to always tell her how much money you make or show her all of the time. She will figure it out in the way you take care of her and by the interactions you have with one another. Be kind to the wait staff when you go out. Open doors for her and treat here like a WOMAN. Celebrate her successes too. And for God’s sake, when you are conversing with her, make sure she is a part of the conversation too. Otherwise, the date will end quickly!
4) You check out other women in her presence.
We know men are visual creatures. We often see other attractive women before you do. We’re human too, and we also notice attractive men. But play it off. Blatant staring or flirting is downright disrespectful. If you are going to look, be discreet and respectful because if you can’t do this in the early phases of your relationship, she will think you are probably not a “keeper.”
5) Being a poor listener.
Women want to feel comfortable with you. They want to share their deepest thoughts with you as you do with them without judgment or repercussions. And sometimes, wait for it, women just want you to listen. They do not want you to listen to solve their problems. They want to know you will have their back, support them, and be there no matter what happens.
The good news is that women want you to be a part of their lives. The better news is you now know what you need to do to attract the right woman into your life. Doing things that turn her on will make your relationship that much better.
Elizabeth Overstreet is a relationship coach and author. Her book, “The Relationship Investigator’s Fast Guide to Successful Dating” is available now on Amazon.
Read more on JetMag.com: http://www.jetmag.com/jetlove/sex-turnoffs/#ixzz4MFKJXlXy