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Dating After 40 — Here’s The Bright Side

I don’t know about you, but I can’t take another heartbreaking story about it being nearly impossible to find love if you are not in your 20’s or 30’s. Life is what you make it! And sorry, but your age doesn’t determine if your shot at love will be better or worse.

Dating After 40

Roadmap to Love

As a Relationship Coach, I have helped clients of different ages find love. And guess what; no one has a higher probability of success in love based upon their age, physical appearance, and sexiness. The opportunity for love exists for each and everyone of us.

But, if I had to take an educated guess, there are tons of advantages to dating in your 40’s. Your maturity and experience create a different dynamic to the way you view and value love. And, oftentimes, because of your life experiences, it makes you more appreciative when you do.

Sometimes when you hit the middle of your life, if you haven’t met the one who you feel is meant for you, it’s easy to feel like something is wrong with you. But, before you fret, realize that this is probably not the case.


Life Experience Changes Your Perspective

The great news is that as you mature, there are many benefits of your life experiences that will help you towards the relationship you desire. I’ve made a list in case you don’t believe me.

1. You know yourself better. Half the battle of determining if someone is compatible with you is knowing ‘you.’ Understanding your likes and dislikes, what you will tolerate and what is non-negotiable for you is a starting point. And when you are older, it’s easier to make this determination. Once this happens, it clears the way for you to focus on someone who can meet those needs.

2. These boots were made for walking. With more maturity comes a strong connection to your spirit and who you are as a person. It’s harder for others to come in and disrupt that for you. Consequently, you’re not willing to be disrespected, and you have a low tolerance for a dysfunctional relationship. You understand that bringing this type of energy into your life is a headache, and unhealthy, so you’re able to cut ties if needed. 


3. You are realistic. Young love is probably one of the best experiences because it is your first experience of being in love. You don’t go into it with expectations because you don’t know what to expect. It’s pure in a way, but it can also be immature, fleeting, and built on factors which don’t necessarily translate to a long-lasting relationship.

When you are younger, physical looks, sexual compatibility may rank at the top of your lists. But, as you gain some life and relationship experience, you realize while these attributes matter to some degree, there are more important things. Friendship, shared interests, honesty, trust, fidelity, and a person with a sense of humor are part of the equation too. As you come into your own, who you are attracted to ultimately changes as you look deeper beyond the surface because you realize that no one is perfect.

4. You understand heartbreak won’t kill you and a breakup could be a gift. No one likes to experience the end of a relationship in which they loved someone deeply. But, as you get older and have experienced a breakup(s), you are more realistic about what to expect. Sometimes when someone leaves your life it can be a gift.

A breakup can make you stronger, help you grow more, heighten your self-esteem and self-awareness. While it might not happen initially, it can do so in the long-term. Bottom line is some people are not meant to be in your life. While you can learn something from each relationship, you also get that some people are in your life for a reason, season, or a lifetime. And you realize that this won’t be your last chance at finding love which leads me to my next point. 


5. Each relationship teaches you something new in preparation for the next one. No matter what type of relationship you are in, there is a lesson to be learned. If someone had attributes of dishonesty, an addiction that they may have hidden from you, was not a good parent to your kids, cheated on you, emotionally abusive, etc. you quickly can assess what these characteristics look like when you meet someone else.

It helps you to weed out the undesirables. Sometimes by being with someone who had attributes you didn’t like, it provides you clearer guidance on being with someone you do want. And it makes you appreciative of them when they are a part of your life.

6. Wisdom helps you to see beyond the obvious. As you live longer, who you were attracted to in your 20’s and 30’s changes dramatically as you have different life experiences. Physical attraction may be a factor in liking someone, but mental and emotional attraction becomes more important.

Someone who is a good person, responsible, caring, and family oriented could be incredibly sexy qualities to you too! But, realize you wouldn’t have the appreciation for these things if you didn’t have those relationships where these characteristics were lacking. It is yet another benefit of having some wisdom under your belt.


7. You are confident in yourself. By the time you have been around for 40 years, you know who you are and you are very comfortable in your skin. You’ve navigated some ups and downs by this time, and this helps you to discern what you like, dislike immediately, and who you want to be involved with when it comes to having a relationship.

It’s a great feeling and it saves a tremendous amount of time because you’re not on the hunt. You’re not thirsty which makes you more attractive to others. Most importantly, you know what you bring to the table and the person you are meant to be in a relationship with will too!

If you are looking for love, your 40’s offers a unique opportunity to move forward, and be in the right relationship versus merely settling for any relationship. Don’t pay attention to the naysayers who say that your chances at love are diminished because of your age.

Hold your head up high, realize that you are worthy, and that when the timing is right, love will enter your life.

What’s next

Check out more of my website to learn more about the new rules of dating. There are tons of free tips to help you navigate your roadmap to find the relationship you deserve!

What do you enjoy about dating in your 40’s that was more difficult for you in your 20’s and 30’s? What other topics would you like to know about right now that can help you find love?

Your comments are appreciated.

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Originally published on Medium.

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