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Dating in the new age of apps – How to get your mojo back

Dating in a time where we use apps and social media in abundance to determine if someone is suitable has skewed things a bit. It use to be that dating happened through meeting someone at work, through a friend, a family member, or at a social event. But, times have changed.

When I surveyed some of my clients and asked them how they determine who they date, the answers were pretty interesting. One of my clients in his early 30’s told me that he predominantly used dating apps to find someone. I delved deeper and asked him how he determined if someone was a match off first glance. He told me that after he saw someone on the dating app, he would then go to her social media pages and look to see what types of things she was in to, how her friends were, and just her flow of life. He felt this gave him a good perspective on who she was and if she was someone with which he was compatible.

My other client looked at it a bit differently. She would use meet up and local single dating events to go and find individuals. She felt if she were doing things she liked it would increase her chances of finding someone like-minded and the face-to-face interaction would either give her pause or a reason to pursue the person further.

Finally, my other client, who was somewhat of an introvert did something completely different. She hated dating apps and social media. She felt like what you saw could be distorted because often in her dating experience she didn’t see that individuals necessarily matched up with what they seemed to be in the dating apps and social media. She was resigned to the fact that the person she was supposed to be with would come along and she was going to dedicate little effort to seek out someone.

Three different clients and three entirely different perspectives on dating. But dating in itself is complicated, and these days with a highly sensitive work environment, dating someone you meet at work could be a steep path to navigate. Relying completely on social media could also be a trap, after all, have you heard of the show, “Catfish?” And finally, events can be an excellent way to meet someone, but there is only so much time in the day to focus on finding love.

Here are three ways for the social media savant, events enthusiast, and an introvert to date in a way that helps you to connect with others:

Client #1- Social Media Expert – Yes, dating apps can work, and statistics show that increasingly this is how a lot of people are meeting and hooking up to have relationships. It’s ok to use a dating app but look beyond the obvious. Physical attraction is the beginning of the relationship and dating apps and viewing someone’s social feeds play to this vantage point. However, dig deeper and be open to using alternative dating methods in addition to this avenue.

Practical dating tip: It’s ok to use dating and social media when dating, but also don’t be afraid to talk to someone you may see out at a grocery store, while you are doing activities with your friends, or at a sporting event. Interacting with people in person will help you to up your dating game, expand your horizons, and see other things you may not have noticed in your dating app as you increase your social interactions in real time with people.

2. Client #2 – Events queen or king aka the socializer – I wholeheartedly agree that attending events in which you have an interest can be a good starting ground for meeting others. If it’s a meet-up for an activity, this can give you a better perspective on someone’s personality in totality. If it’s playing games, doing sports, camping or hiking, you can get an inkling of others oddities, if they are a team player, their social efficiencies, and deficiencies. It can be fun. But, don’t stop here.

Practical dating tip: Meet-ups are cool, but mix it up and expand the way you date. Integrate a dating app or two into the mix. It’s ok to use a dating app to widen your net to meet people who you might not typically come in contact. If you have mastered meeting people at live events, the dating apps will give you an opportunity to ease back, sip some wine, and take your time in choosing someone who is just your speed.

3. Client #3 – My cool introverts  – I understand that sometimes it can be equally satisfying to be in your space than to have someone who could be a pain invade yours. But, no one has met someone chilling out on their couch watching Netflix” rings true. I realize that Netflix binging is so much fun, but you have to put in some effort to find love. You have to step outside of your comfort zone.

And this is what you do have in your favor as an introvert. You probably have a strong sense of who you are and you can be content on your own. Having a strong sense of self will help make the dating process of weeding out the undesirables easier for you.

Practical dating tip: Start slow, but choose a dating app that allows you have more control of the process. Bumble is a good one if you are a woman because it gives you the power to approach first if you are interested. If you are a guy, who gets utterly nervous about going up to a woman to talk, start with taking small steps. When you see someone you like, think of friendlier ways to start a conversation. Compliment her on something she is wearing tastefully. Think of it more as building a friendship then finding a partner. Do some of the things you have done to create a bond with others until you determine you have more interest. Taking these steps will help you conversate more naturally.

Hope these tips help you in your future dating excursions. No one ever said finding love is easy. But, if you are willing to change up what you have done before and try something new, a whole world of possibilities will open up.

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